My Friends

By David Walsh

I just made a Facebook friend.

For the most part there is nothing particularly interesting about that. In my case it is unusual, though. In fact, it is unique.

I didn’t create my own Facebook account. A close (but often annoying) friend spoofed me, and she knew enough about me to get my password right (meaning I could guess it).

I wasn’t the only one who could guess it. Another friend (that proves I have at least two, but not on Facebook) logged on in my name, and randomly befriended a bunch of people before I snatched the iPad out of his hand. He was taunting me. He wouldn’t have bothered without some potential for me to discover his misdemeanour.

I never checked my Facebook account, but I didn’t delete it (I assume that’s possible). I found it came in handy. The smart bastards that built this insidious system hold out access to some parts of Facebook when you are not logged in. And I wanted to know Mona stuff.

A couple of years ago I went to a wedding dinner. My newly nuptialized mates told me what time the dinner was because I didn’t commune electronically. Everybody else was told on Facebook. They all turned up an hour late because the time specified on Facebook was wrong. I sat with the bride and groom for an hour, a self-oiling third wheel. It was rather pleasant. But also rather edifying. I discovered that everyone I knew was on Facebook.

Occasionally, very occasionally, it crossed my mind that trying hard not to be like everybody else doesn’t really work. It seems okay to be a rugged individualist, but communication, honest communication, isn’t just an extension of your own consciousness. It also extends someone else’s. You and they, that’s the definition of need. No one benefits from being themselves alone.

An ex-girlfriend had a new partner. Some time ago she thought he might be a danger to himself. But, actually, I knew him better than her. He was part of my family. And he wasn’t a danger to anyone. In fact, he was kind of lovely. So I ignored her.

Just now, wondering if I failed him, wondering if I’d failed his family, wondering if I’d failed our mutual-ex, I checked my friend requests.

There were 263 of them. Many, perhaps most, were people by the name of David Walsh, and they were recommended by David Walsh. Do people think that coincidental characters, in a coincidental order make one compatible? Does coincidence define character?

But there were people in that list that I like, and love, that I’ve hardly communicated with for years. And some that I’ve spent some time with recently, and maybe they don’t know my Facebook habits (which might be the habits of a lifetime) and they think I’ve spurned them. Maybe not taking the time to care, maybe not being suckered into a medium or process that everyone is a part of, maybe that’s what spurning is. Maybe, sometimes, you have to sell out to the shysters, to keep your integrity, to maintain your shit.

One of those 263 requests was, as I expected, from Aled Garlick. He was the brother of a man who is my brother’s son, but is nearly my son, because it isn’t just biology that makes one a son. But Aled was not my nephew, because my brother died too soon to be his father. He is the son of two people that have other sons, and a daughter, but he will not be less missed because he is not all they have. And he will not be less missed because they have lost before, and because they didn’t understand then, and cannot understand now.

He is, too late, my first Facebook friend.

Aled Garlick (1988-2013)

Graffiti wall at Mona’s Moonah office
Aled Garlick, 2012

Stupid

By David Walsh

The museum urn collection is stupidly growing, and its growing is stupefying me. I’m exhausted and sad and sick of being serious. Exploration and explanation will come later, if at all. I’m posting something frivolous.

It may come as some surprise to you that it is possible to read even if all words have their vowels replaced by a marker, in essence meaning that all vowels are represented by a single vowel. With practice it is feasible to read a text even if the vowels are removed altogether.

The reason English has written vowels is that ancient Greek had written vowels. And the reason early Greek had written vowels is that they didn’t have as many spoken consonants. This became significant when the Greeks co-opted the Phoenician script. Phoenicians didn’t write vowels, but they had more letters than the Greeks has consonants. The Greeks put the excess letters to good use as representatives of vowel sounds.

S f y cn rd ths y mght hv md a gd Phncn. -nd -f y-- c-n’t r--d th-s - c-n c-ll y-- -n -d--t w-th -mp-n-ty.

If all that is so, and it is, why do newspapers print expletives with a ‘*’, instead of a vowel? Is there anyone that can read, who is otherwise insufficiently well informed so as to be unable to perform a much-simplified version of the transformation that all literate Phoenicians performed as a matter of course?

Do those f*cking c*nts think we are f*cking morons, or what?

Springs eternal

By David Walsh

I’ve been telling tales of death recently. At the risk of reinforcing what I believe to be an unfortunate stereotyping of my interests, here’s another. Just now I rang Jacqui, friend, singer, yoga instructor and, on the end of the phone, sadness personified. This, despite an attempt to conceal her suffering: as always she wants all to feel only good. With prompting she told me her friend had died.

Jacqui had asked for treatment advice for her sick friend. She told me that they had collected some cash to send this friend to an ‘alternate cancer therapist’, Ian Gawler, a long-term survivor of cancer and advocate of ‘mind-body’ medicine. I don’t know if I have accumulated sufficient audience attention, as yet, to not need to mention that I see no merit in such treatments. Survivors survive, and they maintain a dignified silence, or offer advice and therapies, depending on their state of mind before their status as a survivor was assured. Most don’t survive (actually that isn’t literally true, half of those diagnosed with cancer do survive). And some, but very few, haven’t survived at all, but have fabricated their disease and recovery. Noticing that cancer sufferers have little to lose, they peddle false hope for real money. This asymmetry – little downside but considerable upside – is verdant territory for a scammer to graze.

Despite all that, and now all this, I didn’t know how to respond. I muddled through by suggesting that the therapy was unlikely to work, but that they give her the money anyway; maybe send her on a holiday. But I accepted, and accept, that hope, even hopeless, desperate hope, springs eternal.

And that makes me mindful of a perversion of reason I used to subscribe to. I used to think granting the wishes of dying kids was a poor way to spend donated dollars. ‘Look after those who will continue living,’ I mentally admonished them. Now I stand astonished at my insensitivity, and my incapacity to reason my way around such simple moral obstacles. Each day alive is a day to be celebrated, if it holds any possibility of giving the liver of that day some pleasure. The cousin of my nephew went to a Clipper’s game in LA not long before he died, as a guest of Make A Wish foundation. The thrill of a lifetime and, for him at least, set to remain so. Surely a good thing remains a good thing when those who experienced and enjoyed it have died? Even if all memory has been erased? After all I, for one, do believe that the tree made a sound when it fell in the forest, even though no one heard.

My outrageous resistance to organisations like Make A Wish wasn’t just the result of immature reasoning (and at all moments in a life the receding opinions of earlier moments will seem immature). I had many opportunities to form different opinions. Years ago I read a great but obscure book of the human condition, Towards Asmara, within which was all the moral guidance I needed. During the most memorable moment of this most memorable novel, children are slowly starving as the Ethiopian Civil War, and famine, rages around them. The narrator has a conversation with the protagonist concerning the kids learning French and English as they slowly dwindle; as their bodies are distorted by kwashiorkor or marasmus, their minds remain vessels to be filled. They live each little bit of each little day for itself, having no other option. They learn to say ‘hello’. And ‘goodbye’.

Why that wasn’t sufficient to set me straight, I don’t know. And it wasn’t my only opportunity. Much earlier, I had read Fritz Leiber’s romantic science fiction tale, A pail of air, which memorably begins, ‘Pa had sent me out to get an extra pail of air.’ Earth, having been extracted from its orbit by a passing star, is now beyond the orbit of Pluto. A family lingers on, apparently the only people on Earth. They thaw oxygen to breathe. ‘Pa’ contends that

no matter how long the human race might have lived, the end would have come some night. Those things don’t matter. What matters is that life is good. It has a lovely texture, like some rich cloth or fur, or the petals of flowers… or the fire’s glow. It makes everything else worth while. And that’s as true for the last man as the first.

Our biological compulsion isn’t simply to propagate our race, it is more cunning than that. It is to build in the pleasure of living, and the pleasure of seeking to propagate. Most sexual liaisons have no possibility of producing offspring. But they do produce pleasure, and sometimes bind relationships more strongly. Maybe that’s why Leiber persecuted a whole family within his elegantly contrived allegory.

The other day Phillip Adams (and I harvest some pleasure at dropping such a name, but it stemmed from an interview, not a friendship) asked me if I fear death. I answered then, and mentioned to Jacqui just now, that I fear dying, as my biological nature compels me to, but that I contrive, through my evolution-given capacity to reason my way through my world, to see it as an undesirable side effect of the astonishing good fortune of having been born in the first place. The uncountable generations of successful matings since nature’s invention of sex over a billion years ago; the freakish chance of the one of my father’s sperm meeting the one of my mother’s eggs that were each able, through forthcoming fusion, to contain me therein; and the events since, that prevented my dying while allowing this moment and this thought.

To characterise all this more immediately and personally: an incompetent doctor, despite having been informed of my mother’s allergy, used penicillin to treat a minor infection. My mothers illness, and my parent’s anger at his blunder was soon tempered by their becoming aware of an impossible pregnancy, mum having been cured on an infection that had been surreptitiously preventing conception. My sister followed nine months later; I, third in line, emerged reasonably healthy seven years layer, but showing some of the characteristics (fortunately) that are associated with parturition beyond the age of forty. That the probability of my being alive will one day become zero doesn’t in any way change the fact that now that probability is one. Why should my boundless joy be tempered by comprehension of the most basic mathematics?

At Mona we have recently been working on exhibitions that reflect the involvement of evolution in art. That art is universal, and predates most of our cultural constructs, suggests that it is not only built into us, but also good for us (some theorists even assert that our capacity for cognition evolved to expand our capacity for creativity). One speculation is that storytelling, the creation of narrative fiction, allows us to learn to construct possible futures and react to them; to plan. I certainly had all the tools, through these stories and others, to produce a more reasoned ethical self. That I didn’t is a condemnation only of my use of these tools, not the tools themselves. But, here and now, the evolution of the propensity to tell stories, and to gain from them, compels me to observe that all that I believe may be overturned by future learning. If I think that everything I thought twenty years ago was flawed, why not extrapolate that in twenty years I will probably believe that most of what I think now is crap? I’m not suggesting that our lives are narrative and thus contain no reality, just that opinions ebb and flow. Only as a group do we make progress, and acquire knowledge. But if I advocate self-doubt, and I do, why write down something that I may come to believe was errant? I guess the answer to that is that I need feedback for my opinions to be fully constructed. To my surprise, Mona blog gives me that. When Elizabeth suggested it, I resisted. But I’ve learned. So now, when she asked me to write something, I groped about for inspiration, and as always it came from the way recent events have improved my accordance with verity. Jacqui’s friend kept a blog, which I only just now became aware of, within which there are many personal verities, and some things I read as larger truths. From an entry three months ago she reifies my notion of people living while they live, and continuing to attend to the things that make them feel human, and embody humanity; thus, just three months ago she would still ‘pout and wonder whether any true great love stories will ever involve a 30-something year-old girl with a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer and another soul who can see past that and love her right back anyway.’

The author of the book I mentioned before, Towards Asmara, is Thomas Kenneally, who also penned Schindler’s ark, on which the Steven Spielberg masterpiece Schindler’s list was based. My friend Martin Haywood, who has been the subject of a couple of blog entries from me, and whose probability of being alive recently fell by one, said of Schindler’s list: ‘I don’t want to watch such movies. I just want to know they are being made.’ Martin probably meant that we need to see our faults writ large. As a result of his demise, and his prior pattern of living with dignity, he has accidentally become the magnetic north of my moral compass, and so when his long-forgotten words renew my acquaintance, I allow them to direct my thoughts. We don’t just benefit from narratives that plot a possible future, we also gain from those that expose a moribund past. Selection will favour those who have a genetic propensity to learn from their mistakes. And also, as Kenneally and Leiber amply illustrate, from others’ mistakes. Our consciousness is extended by others, even (and often especially) dead others. And here I refer to the quote from Jacqui’s friend’s blog in the previous paragraph.

But evolution operates over a continuum of characteristics that contribute to a greater or lesser degree to our survival. Each of them individually, and together, participates in a strange sort of inverse statistical lottery, wherein luck giveth and luck taketh away. Yesterday Jacqui’s friend’s number came up. My numbers, and yours, haven’t. But we’re still enjoying the thrill of buying tickets.

They didn’t send Jacqui’s friend on a holiday. She had the alternate therapy which, for whatever reason, didn’t heal her. But it did empower her. Just three weeks ago she wrote:

Let me tell you that where I am at now is like having my feet on two very different paths. And it’s hard, but it’s real. One foot is on the reality path – the one with the CT scans, the doctors, the stupid tumours going bonkers, the daily morphine and pain meds… the other foot is on the spiritual, hopeful, optimistic, positive, determined healing path.

She died. But she did get a wish granted.

A few days ago I read in the Age about a terminally ill woman who had met her biological father, an anonymous sperm donor, whom she had been seeking for fifteen years. Despite her considerable effort that anonymity had been preserved until her cancer diagnosis had induced government intervention. She met her father and, as the article recounted, ‘There was an instant connection – how could there not be?’

That article appeared on March 17.  Then, on March 27, Jacqui was sad, because her friend, Narelle Grech, who had just met her father, died the day before. Her father, who one month ago didn’t know he had a daughter is, presumably, distraught. And all the better for it.

Is that subtext, or are you just happy to see me?

By Luke Hortle

Throat-clearing.
Last night I went to hear Ellen Dissanayake’s lecture, ‘The Deep Structure of the Arts’, which was about the role of art in human evolution. I went because I thought I should, cringing slightly because the whole thing sounded too damnably Mona-ish, and left feeling awkward—not because of the lecture or Dissanayake’s ideas (which were methodical and measured, although I craved a more emphatic statement of her argument), but because of the awkward atmosphere of the question time that followed. Awkward, because the long-winded monologues were not questions, and setting them loose in the lecture hall shifted the mood. The air between people thickened. It felt compromising to be situated within a group of other humans. A caveat: I’m not sure if this awkwardness was objectively so, or more a self-absorbed by-product of my own thought-stream, which is decidedly awkward and neurotic anyway, regardless of any objective social scenario. Performing the opposite of that state of mind is probably a necessity of contemporary social interaction, unless you’re a ‘creative’ and can get away with a whole lot of really irritating shit while other people make excuses for your unconventional and fucking vexing disposition. (Also, I didn’t take a pen and paper.)

The guts of it.
Dissanayake argued in the lecture that art, or ‘artification’ as the behaviour of making art, has a deep structure, and one that is comparable to the deep structure of language advocated for by some linguists and psychologists. She claims that this behaviour is essential and intrinsic to being human. That it’s innate and natural. That it’s universal. She argues that this behaviour has evolutionary benefits. Apparently, behaviours such as singing and dancing with other people produce a hormone called oxytocin, which is also elicited during sex. One of the benefits of oxytocin is that it counteracts cortisol, a stress hormone. I’d like a clarification though. Do you only get the oxytocin hit if you’re having sex with another person, or can you replenish your hormonal stores by treating yourself (singular) to a nice night in?

***
Interlude: A masturbatory call to arms

No one ever talks interestingly about masturbation. Faux Mo flashback: I’m in a darkened cinema and it’s black-bruised-red like the insides of a vital organ. A woman is dancing naked in front of hundreds of pissed people, alternately with a black sack over her head or wearing a gorilla mask. I’m trying to work out what to think of it, when a young balding guy, not unattractive, stands next to me, grinning, and asks, ‘Do you reckon she’s going to flick the bean?’ Oh Christ. If this is indicative of masturbation discourse (and I suspect it might be) then I’m putting a call out for people to lift their game. Pun entirely intended.

***

I can’t comment on the scientific validity of Dissanayake’s claims; I don’t know enough (read: not much at all) about evolutionary biology and I’m not remotely interested in making those kinds of comments about her work. It’s boring (that kind of discussion; not her research, necessarily). My main problem with the lecture was her use of the word ‘human’. It became an oblique invocation of the term, which was disappointingly predictable. Using ‘human’ in such a way is commonplace, but that shouldn’t equate to an excuse. ‘Human’ has a subtext. An uncontainable one. Bare it. Refusal to do so turns use of the word into an act of effacement. It becomes another form of exclusory language, and one that relates only, within the parameters of Dissanayake’s argument, to those types of humans that enjoy regular heterosexual sex and the possibility, and propensity, for procreation. Speaking of the human, and using the term in a critically savvy manner, has to be provisional. I suspect I’m against its use as a commonplace and absolute term because it kills my identity politics boner. Yours too. Oh, the critical impotence. Humanness, particularly in the context of evolution, is anything but a constant or endpoint or intellectual dead-end. If we’re speaking of evolution (and we don’t have to be, not really, not if you don’t want to, but we are), then using ‘human’ as a static term sets up a disconnect with the premise and ideological underpinning of the subject matter. Being human is a state of modulation, of unfinished-ness, regardless of how aware we are of this process. Being human isn’t, and shouldn’t be, a matter of common sense. In other words (and with some quite unrelated, juvenile, yet suspiciously apt imagery), it’s an intellectually stimulating cock and it’s happy to see you.

It boils down to this: given the broad and fascinating cultural implications of Dissanayake’s research into the origins of art as a human behaviour, with art seen as a shaping force of humanness, linguistic and experiential invocations of the ‘human’ demand to be given the commensurate critical attention they deserve.

Death illiterate.
As an English graduate, I’m supposed to be interested in how being human is culturally produced, rather than how it is inherently and essentially substantiated. I get trapped between thinking about myself as a culturally and linguistically realised entity, and the biological reality of my humanness. Because if I’m biologically and genetically human, if I am irrefutably so, then why am I even talking about this? Why are discussions of humanness, life and species booming in politics, the arts and that ever so sexy world of critical theory? Are we just a narcissistic species?

It’s particularly pertinent now, in this contemporary moment, to think about this. Contemporary anxieties, and the various discourses they infiltrate, are underpinned by an almost unspoken fear of extinction. (I could be inflammatory and drop the ‘C’ bomb—climate change—but I won’t.) Perhaps it’s the reality of living out our humanness, the reality of being a species—to be perennially haunted by various other states, those innumerable modes of not-life. The bottom line: we face the fact of our own death, and perhaps our broader concerns with extinction work to absolve personal responsibility for having to deal with the relatively imminent occurrence of our own dying. An implicit choosing of collective anxiety over the personal realities of being a fleshy composite with an expiry date.

I don’t know how to think about my own death. The pure facts of its reality are subsumed, immediately, by the romance of the language I use to talk about it. The word itself, ‘death’, is shockingly seductive. And biologically, I’m at a loss. The biological facts of my bodily aliveness refuse to cross the threshold of my conscious awareness. I can’t ruminate on them. They might enable my consciousness, but they never become usable and recognisable terms within that swarming and personalised mindfuck. Biological subtext, rather than readable narrative. Ungraspable, even in their physical immediacy. It’s terrifying.

Synaesthesia

By Anica Boulanger-Mashberg

There are so many ways a thing can make you shiver. A cello in a crowd. A chorus in a stairwell. A story about a child who didn’t stand up for another child. The fury of chilli and the honest, expected loyalty of a potato. A single note. The memory, a moment later, of that same note.

Morning. In the sun.

Conversations about heels.

Elizabeth wears them because Kirsha told her she should. And then because she discovered she loved them.

Angela doesn’t. She feels like a politician.

I always fall over. Lizzy thinks that’s a myth. Maybe it is.

Inside. The Void.

The first thing that I love:

A cello.

Pulls my guts out through my lungs and, coated in tears, drags them up my throat in a gasp and there’s everything I once thought I’d have and then thought I’d never need and now here it all is.

I want to drink the cello forever and already I’m sick of my own linguistic synaesthesing. But I do want to drink the cello.

At the beginning of this thing, and longing for the saturated, sleepy exhaustion of midnight.

And then a man in a black t-shirt, new for the day, towards me against the salmon-tide:

‘And so it goes’.

Later.

I find a room full of the throbbing, hypnotic reassurances of Philip Glass. Rhythmic certainties interrupted by uncertain pauses, and a mobile phone announcing some urgent communiqué from the world outside. The electronically generated xylophonic trill weaves itself easily into the milky notes of Glass’s intent, and I enjoy the absurdity of it.

Between Glass dances, the organist frantically shakes his wrists and fingers out, and the plants grow quietly in their wall-pockets at the other end of the room.

Later.

Five synaesthetes walk into a bar.

I’m not sure what comes next. But I think the joke is possibly arcane and probably offensive, and I decide not to pursue its invention.

Later still.

I think of a flautist I once knew, who had given up a professional career because her synaesthesia made performance (and especially rehearsal) too unbearable for her.

I wonder if this performance – in front of the busy Nolan snake, and splashed with cycling coloured light – is unpleasant for a synaesthete?

The subjectivity of humanity begins to preoccupy and mildly terrify me. I start scribbling incomprehensibly into my medium brown notebook. I write pages and pages and pages during the Mussorgsky, and it is so boring even I can’t bear to read it over afterwards.

Late evening. The Organ Room.

Kate Miller-Heidke is a glistening-polished jelly dessert with familiar and never-before-tasted tropical fruit. More saccharine at first than you think you wanted but then you discover you’re in love and, in all the sugar, what you taste is the whole world: the rind and the tang, the moon and the seas, the loss and the first times, poisons and wild animals.

She has a voice that doesn’t make sense coming from her small body. She sings about the past and about herself and about nothing sometimes, and she tells stories like she wants us to rise up and respond, or laugh at her, or be shocked, or maybe buy her a drink. She fills the already crowded room. She is bigger than herself. She becomes a way into the world.

Home
I’ve started to forget what I know about things. Or what I’ve heard. Started to think I’m making them up. Is there a story, for example, about David discussing the logo design, and saying ‘fuck it, let’s use fluoro pink: no-one uses fluoro pink’, and that’s how it came about? No? Well. It sounds plausible though, doesn’t it.


(De)Gustation

Saline

I saw a ghost and an angel while the chorus were painting the stairwell in Bowman and green and in blue light and in open vowels and in blood pooling softly across my chest.

He was magnificent and ordinary and dressed in white and in need of a haircut and the shape of a man and with eyes filled in sorrow and the everyday. He stood at the top of the stairwell and we made no contact and I stood near the bottom and by the Sanctus he was gone. I didn’t see him leave but I know he walked, down those back stairs, slipping quietly or with an excuse me, and the knowledge of him comforts me in no way you can imagine.

She was a sketch and a shadow and almost invisible amongst the resonance of the chorus. That chorus, haunting through the museum: cobwebs and sheets adrift in a hot, airless house. She slipped amongst them and was a shiver across their shoulders as they sang for us, sang for themselves, never once sang for her, sang for their childhoods and their immortality and their impossibilities.

And you didn’t see either of them.

Sour

I create restore points in time. I click something, somewhere, and I imagine that one day I’ll look back to this moment and I’ll try to re-feel all of it – someone I love sitting beside me, the air slightly cooler than my skin, the relentlessly gorgeous same-and-changing Glass patterns, the contented memory of kimchi, chilli, wasabi.

I wonder how long it would take me, in this space, to lose everything and become a throbbing, visceral echo of myself. Not long, I think. And what stops me? What holds me here? What holds you? What holds the ones you love? Is it the same thing that binds us all?

If this is the rabbit hole, I am already here. I’ve forgotten what I was following.

And the longer I’m here, the more uncomfortably mundane it all becomes. I see through the cracks and around the corners.

You can only eat so much, you know. It says a lot about a person, how they eat at a dessert buffet.

I met Alexandria at a dessert buffet. We were both standing beside the mousse, agonising. It said a lot about her, to me. And I suppose it said a lot about me. To her. I’ve never asked her, actually. I should. Should have.

See, if you know you love – and I mean love — the chocolate gateau, why would you go back, when you’re almost full and the party’s almost over, to try the passionfruit gelato? Just on the off chance that you’ll love it. Love it more than the chocolate gateau. Which you can never have again, by the way, because you’re full and the party was catered by a retiring pastry chef.

After a while, I start to wonder whether it matters at all.

The Messiaen is beautiful. So what if he saw golden Fmaj chords when he wrote it, and I don’t see them now?

Sugar
I’m holding your breath.

Bitterness

What if each time someone said your name, my mouth was filled with the idea of strawberries? What then? Or what if it wasn’t strawberries? What if it was the bitter disappointment of a lettuce leaf left too long before picking? A small, dark leaf perfectly formed, but carrying only ugly in its flavour? A tightening, lingering, wild-chicory of a bite. What if that metallic taste of regret was what accompanied you? Could I still love you?

Every touch of you is somehow unbelievable. Every brush of your tannin-tainted tongue is something I once longed for and now has no meaning. Where do such hauntings come from? Who turned us into this? I think there was a moment when I could have stopped it. This brakeless tumble towards loss. I remember. It was a winter morning but the sun was cruel against the tight cotton of my jeans. Your children were asleep – both of them, what a wonder. We sat together in their treehouse with a teapot full of sand, and we talked about politics and linguistics and the weather patterns of the antipodes. Something. I remember you opening the toy teapot and sliding one finger through the sand – I didn’t even know the children had a sandpit. I had only visited you in your house twice before, and both times in the unmooned darkness. This day, there was quiet in the air and the sound of the sand against your dry knuckles was remarkable. I listened as you warped that finger in and out, down through that multitude of crushed and infinitesimal fragments of things that once were, between the specks of abstraction.

And, you see, I knew then that I could love you more than you loved me. I don’t know why, but that’s when it was. That moment, your finger in a teapot full of sand, your children asleep, your words meaningless, your pulse at your throat contorting your profile, your treehouse around us and above us and below us, and the astringent taste of something familiar in my mouth – that moment. It was when I made the decision that swept me to where I am now. That moment was when I kissed you and you touched the side of my cheek with your finger sugared in sand, and the breath of you filled me up and emptied you. That moment. That was when I could have chosen no and I chose yes.

But this wasn’t supposed to be a story about love. They’re never supposed to be stories about love. What would I know?

Something else

‘What colour is silence?’ a woman asks the synaesthete.

A long pause.

‘I’ve never seen true silence,’ he finally says.

Later
The museum has absorbed all the synaesthetes and the nonaesthetes and the syn-curious into its skin like rain into an anonymous, quiet earth.

February 14

By David Walsh

Those Roman Catholics
Observe a feast
On the fourteenth of February.
Three St Valentines at least
Died that day
And joined the hagiography.
The reason why we personify
Romantic liaisons by some obscure
Third century martyr isn’t clear
But later eleven hundred years
Geoffrey Chaucer
Suggested birds of every breed
Sort a mate to sow their seed
On that date.
So thanks to Chaucer
Or an anonymous predecessor
In America and now Australia
Many people feel compelled
To rouse a love with blood red rose
Or card with dopy doggerel.
Mostly those can’t show they care
Apart from on one day a year
That seems a rather dumb idea

These reformed sinners squealing
Sanctimonious sentiment
It makes me squeamish to see them selling
Self-satisfied penitence

How then, could I not despise
A chocolate consolation prize?
Based on an ancient fantasy
Delivered on the anniversary
Of a day when some men died
Called Valentinus then, in Latin
Now, in English, Valentine.

And anyway why should I buy
Something I already own
I’ve always thought that if I try
Too hard, I’ll wind up alone
‘Treat ‘em mean to keep ‘em keen’
Always made some sense to me
Now I see how wrong I’ve been
I’ll say sorry with hypocrisy

The sorry won’t be hypocritical
But lovelorn lines on Valentine’s
Writing those most surely will-

My darling, if I can call you mine
As though one can own another
Will you be my Valentine
And let me be your lover?

New York I love you, but you’re making me cringe

By Luke Hortle

A while ago, I met a photographer from The New Yorker at the museum. I can’t remember his name because I was too busy swooning (he was European and painfully handsome in that rugged and forlorn manner that Europeans often are) and feeling inadequate, because we didn’t have a book with kangaroos in it. But this sensation of inadequacy (and it was a sensation, a bodily one; I could feel it drenching my limbs) leached beyond this one apparently minute interaction. Horror of horrors, I felt grateful to have met this man. Not because of his aquiline features, but because of all that other cultural currency that he’d brought with him, from Europe, from New York, and now he was talking to me, in Hobart, on this island, and I felt inferior, somehow ashamed, immodestly thrilled. Enter the cultural cringe.

At MONA FOMA last year, I went to see PJ Harvey. In a break between songs, clouded in the beer-breath and radiant bodily steam of PW1, Eleanor whispered to me that seeing PJ perform was ‘like a religious experience.’ I thought she was being overly dramatic and told her to finish her beer. This moment has been nagging me ever since, the implication being that we were somehow not quite worthy to be in the presence of this woman wreathed in feathered black. That we ought to have been grateful. This really pissed me off, because I wanted to be in thrall to PJ Harvey (did you know that ‘thrall’ comes from an Old English word for ‘slave’?) and not think about the experience in terms where I came off with an inferiority complex. Later that night at Faux Mo, I kept hearing people say things like ‘Are we still in Hobart?’ And I was guilty of thinking similar things. I couldn’t comfortably integrate where I was with what I was thinking. (What I can remember from Faux Mo: You’re in. Bass thumps skywards, leaching out of the winding alleyway; who even knew it was there? Bulging lights bloom in the brickwork. You manage to jump the line. Paris Wells is there. The really hot guy from BalletLab is there, sans feathers and twigs. You think that BalletLab was great, but so fucking weird. You should definitely be drinking gin. Bordello-red flickers against crumpled aluminium curtains. People are dancing like it’s windy.) The city, the island, kept intruding in my fantasies, fantasies which constantly gestured away from where I was, geographically, culturally, far-flung connections sketched with alcohol-induced similes.

PJ Harvey at MONA FOMA 2012. Photo credit: MONA/Remi Chauvin

PJ Harvey at MONA FOMA 2012. Photo credit: MOFO/Rémi Chauvin

I can’t seem to escape the fact that geography matters. It’s dished up to me on a daily basis. Customer after customer will find a way to tell me, as they purchase their catalogue, postcards, cunt soap, whatever, that ‘this [museum, art, estate, the whole deal] is a great thing for Tasmania.’

A brief interlude from that guy in the bookshop

‘Do the postcards come with envelopes?’
No. Of course they don’t; they’re fucking postcards. From Wiki: ‘A postcard or post card is a rectangular piece of thick paper or thin cardboard intended for writing and mailing without an envelope.’
‘Do you have a book on the architecture?’
No. We really don’t. I promise. And (shockingly, eye-poppingly shockingly, I know) you are not the first person to ask for one. And even if you do tell me for the next half an hour how great such a book would be, and how you can’t believe that there isn’t one for you to take home in your eager paws, I still won’t be able to provide one for you. So fuck off already.
‘Do you still sell the angina soaps?’
No words.

Invariably, their assessment of the museum becomes inextricable from its geographical locale. And inherent within these assessments of the museum is a commensurate assessment of Hobart and Tasmania more broadly; that we’re lucky to have the museum where it is, because of the entrenched view that the state is culturally inferior, a backwater, next stop Antarctica. And now I’ve just gone and written that and perpetuated the stereotype in print. Oh great. Maybe this doesn’t matter though, and maybe I’m just projecting my own (recently discovered) cultural cringe onto these social interactions. It (projecting potentially/completely incorrect assumptions onto a situation/conversation/relationship) does sound like something I would do.

I can’t seem to write about this cringe response without falling into the trap that the very construct tries to describe: ie. I end up cringing, through my attempts to elucidate what was happening when I met that photographer. (Clarification, obfuscation; potato, po-TAR-to.) My point: I live on an island, and sometimes this fact, and its corresponding sense of islandness, of being so bounded by a place, by a body, is suffocating.[i] Maybe this is my postcolonial penance. It’s undoubtedly constitutive too, which makes me uncomfortable (which is weird, because I’m an identity politics enthusiast). I’ve been told I can be quite neurotic (‘amazingly’ might’ve been the word used, actually) and maybe this is why I like reading The New Yorker. But I suspect it’s also a reaction to where I am, geographically and culturally; as I hand over my cash, I know I’m buying into a particular type of identity, a particular type of self-image. It’s a performance, one in which I’m friends with Lena Dunham and live in a loft with Paul Auster and/or Oliver Jeffers and/or Michael Cunningham. Even as it’s a performance, it’s one performed from my particular moment in time and space, my ‘here’ and my ‘now.’ But I’m not completely shallow; I do enjoy reading the magazine. I just want people to see me reading it as well.

Luke once ran over a Blue-tongued Lizard with a lawn mower. It was awful, like a scene out of a Tarantino film. He still feels queasy/guilty about it. Luke works in the Mona Bookshop.


[i] I recently read a couple of pieces from an edition of Island magazine, an essay by Adam Ouston and a short story by Ben Walter. They’re great, they really are. You should go read them, right now. What I do know is that they made me feel better about being a man living on an island.

I don’t know much

I don’t know a lot about permaculture, but I know that the reason it works is that it increases the number of interactions between the species in a given plot. This makes the system less prone to disruption by an impactor on any given species and thus the system is more robust. This resilience is in stark contrast to the many ‘single points of failure’ that a monoculture has.

In fact, a permaculture is better than merely robust, it is antifragile. Robust systems are impervious to impactors; antifragile systems actually improve when perturbed. We design very little of our world to be antifragile. We should do that more, at least if a new text by Nassim Taleb has any merit. And it does.

Some years ago my formerly sick friend Martin told me about permaculture, and he made the observation that such a system improved on robustness. He had an inkling of antifragility. I mostly missed the point at the time. Sorry, Martin. I gave you credit, but not enough.

Martin is my ‘formerly sick friend’ because he is dead, as of last night. Bugger. But not really bugger because dead is not really that much worse than dying, when dying is a process ‘undertaken’ as a result of the terrible intervention of a tumour (are there any nice interventions by tumours?). The bugger was the diagnosis, not the dying. Nevertheless, I shed a tear. And am seeking consolation in these words.

Many years ago, but not so long at all really, Martin and I had an argument. It concerned who should get credit for a particularly clever way of grouping a list of trifectas into boxes, a faster but less precise way to take them. I gave Martin credit, but not enough.

A few months later, in June 1991, I was at Caulfield Racecourse, filling in for my brother, Tim. Betting on the last race of the day, I ran out of time. I used the box trifecta algorithm and put on only one bet, a box of seven horses. That probably means nothing to you but, in the event, I won $19,000.

Later, I told Tim of our win (he had a share). He quipped, ‘I am dying within my means.’ This was three months before his cancer mediated death. That’s why I know the date.

Martin and Tim you may not know. But a small part of these things that I can share, Mona and these thoughts, I can share because they lived. Because an idea is not held in the dominion of one, but many.

- David Walsh

In light of the possible

History

I was asked to give a talk. I gave a talk, and the people listening weren’t really listening. It wasn’t their fault. They weren’t being rude. It was just that they were in their glad rags, freshly arrived on the ferry; they’d descended to the Void bar, cool, sandstone rock and the thuck-thuck of bit.fall, and wanted some champagne and canapés (my sister used to run my Dad’s flash seafood restaurant in Perth, and she told me once about a would-be snooty bride-to-be who made a tremendous fuss about the ‘can-APEs’; I fear that I’ll forget one day to pronounce it the proper, French way).

Then suddenly bit.fall was stopped (via an iPad operated by a back-of-house techie) and a light came up and I alit the small stage, and it was tremendously disappointing and disrupting not to be left alone to enjoy the waterfall and the can-apes. The worst part was, my speech was meaty. What they wanted (slightly less than to just be left alone) was to be told a few juicy things about David (like did you know he doesn’t wear underwear?) or something concrete about the art. The other worst thing was: the people crowding bit.fall didn’t respond much to front-of-house Marty’s request to gather in front of the stage for my talk; in the end, they kind of ended up, um, sort of standing to the side of and behind me while I was talking. It was a little off-putting for us all. It’s hard to deliver with conviction your vision of the futility of history – to a sandstone wall.

My argument ended up being somewhat meatier than it may otherwise have been, because I had dinner with David and Kirsha, and David’s ‘dorky friends’ (Kirsha calls them that, she loves dorks), the night before. I had showed David my speech and he got all frothy-at-the-mouth about it: not because he disagreed with me but because he was sure my audience, scientists, would shout me down for not understanding the difference between history in an abstract sense, and measurable historical progress as part of the scientific endeavor to expand human knowledge. (How preferable it seems now to have been shouted down, as opposed to politely tolerated). We also had Weed Eggs for dinner that night, at David and Kirsha’s. I don’t mean cannabis, simply weeds from the garden. I’ll get to that as well.

This is the speech. I’m sorry but I think it’s good and so did up to two (2) audience members.

I was asked to address in my brief talk this evening the history of the collection, and some key pieces, both old and new; and finally, to shed some light on how – and I quote from the email I was sent – ‘people like us [that is, people like you] – medical professionals and scientists with no real background in art – can come to understand and appreciate these things’.

 I’m going to ignore the first two points. Except to say that we don’t really believe in history at Mona. That doesn’t mean we don’t believe in learning – certainly we do. As you move around the museum, if you choose to use your O device you will find essays written by my colleague Jane Clark, rich in historical information, and designed to contextualise, as far as possible, the object you are looking at. But even as we’re doing it, we’re sure the whole thing’s a bit of a farce, which is why we call those essays ‘Art Wank’, and why we also write ‘Gonzo’ pieces on the art, which do away entirely with the concept of objectivity. The writing of history – recording of known or debated facts, the selecting of events and people deemed relevant to your appreciation of the object – is just one voice with which to speak about art, and one you should never take fully at its word. The only truthful way to speak about the present or the past is in a voice that announces, in its every utterance, its lies and silences, its weaknesses and desire to manipulate you, the listener, for its own ends. There is a kind of freedom in that.

I will give you an example of what I’m talking about. You asked about the history of the collection, which often boils down to moments of beginning. David claims various moments of genesis for his interest in art and decision to build a museum. Among these: his older sister Lindy’s love of Andy Warhol; his viewing of a documentary as a child, called ‘Man on the rim’; the fact that he could see this site, known then as ‘Moorilla’, from the house he used to live in on the other side of the river; and his purchase of his first work – a Nigerian palace door, carved in the first half of the twentieth century by the artist Areogun, depicting a man riding a bicycle with no pedals and no axle.

Areogun Palace Door, Museum of Old and New Art collection, MONA

Palace door, Areogun
1900 to 1954
Carved wood

David bought the door in South Africa, where he had been gambling; at that time, it was illegal to export extra money from the country so he bought the door to suck up surplus cash. In writing this talk, I punched ‘Areogun palace door’ into my laptop search engine to see what turned up. I found an email, written to me from David in December 2010, a month before the museum opened, and which I’d forgotten about entirely. By chance, it hits on exactly what I am trying to say today, so I’m going to read it. 

David’s email:

The palace door is made by Areogun. You already knew that. But what does it mean, why did he make it? He clearly had a flirtatious interest in the West, his unsteerable, downhill bicycle must at least be a joke, perhaps a metaphor.

Presumably he was ordered to make it, but did he make it for the one who gave the order, or did he make it for himself? If for himself, and I think it’s always a bit for himself, presumably the motive was an assemblage of: pride in craftsmanship, need for self-expression, love of status, an urge to serve and maybe even a fear of the consequences of failure.

These are the proximate motives but what generates them? Is the capacity of biology to reproduce genetically selected talent on display here?

I guess I’m saying all the reasons he does stuff were real to him, but there is stuff that is real to everyone. Do all artists, whether tribal or western, antiquarian or contemporary, concrete or conceptual have the same fundamental motives? I think so. That goes for most people from most fields of endeavour, I think.

Culture hides this stuff, but it keeps rippling through. I collect it. Does that make me a bit more sexy? I bloody hope so. I’m grasping at straws here.

The other key motive David sites is the desire to use art to impress women – he can’t make art, he says, so collecting it will have to do. That question of the genetic settings sparking some capacity for art-making (or collecting) is one we are focusing on at Mona at the moment. In future exhibitions we are planning to explore the relationship between creativity and evolutionary biology. I’ll come back to that in a minute, but first, I want to read you David’s other essay about the palace door, the one we printed in our book about the collection, Monanisms

Areogun carved this unsteerable downhill bicycle and changed my life. The bike followed a far from straight-line course to a gallery near Johannesburg and then to Hobart. I saw it when I was about to have enough money to pay for it and nothing else to do with the money. I think it’s reasonable to contend that had South Africa allowed money to be exported and not art there would be no Mona.

Customs in Tasmania kept it for ten months. At one point there was talk of it having cocaine residues on it. There was nothing I could do so I did nothing. They eventually released it.

I built the old Moorilla Museum of Antiquities and installed it as one of my favourite works, and so it remains. At a function someone was observed to be smoking inside. To conceal his infringement he stubbed his cigarette out on this work, burning a small hole in it. I assume he’s an art critic.

The house I lived in at the time was very exposed to the weather. People told me that I had to look after my art better. The house was on the foreshore on the eastern side of the Derwent River. Moorilla was directly opposite on the west bank. It looked like a nice place. The owners of Moorilla went broke and the bank put the property up for sale. The germ of an idea entered my head…

There’s a mish-mash of motives here: the artists and David’s, materialising in the known and unconscious realms. The cloud of happenstance gets denser the harder you stare.

And so why stare at all? You’ll give yourself a headache. Instead, I recommend just taking these things, these history-less objects, as you find them, sitting, well lit, on a plinth or whatever, in the gallery. There’s no hope of recovering their context, some germ of origin for existence. They exist just for you now. Maybe they have something to teach you – but don’t just take them at their word. Make it up for yourself. If there’s something there for you, suck it up, and move on. If there’s nothing just push past to the next piece, or go and have a drink at the bar. The point, the only point, is to have something – a thought, feeling, memory or intention – slide into place, or shift its position. There’s no gold star for ‘getting it’ or even enjoying it.

I want to point out, if you haven’t already been annoyed by it, the different relationship to the past enjoyed by the arts and the sciences, and the attendant notion of ‘progress’. For those who work in the sciences – so I’m told – the notion of progress and history is real, and measured by milestones such as (and I’m paddling way out of my depth here) the increased life expectancy for sufferers of a particular condition, for instance. Art, in contrast, changes, but it doesn’t advance (and here I’m stealing the words of the wonderful art critic nun, sister Wendy).

Finally – I said I’d come back to the part about art and biology. I meant for my talk to frame the bridge we want to build at Mona between art and science, specifically. What I was going to say was – ignore the ‘key pieces’, and who cares about the history of the collection. And then I was going to build an argument about how the humanities have been divorced, over the course of the twentieth century, from the reality of the human body, and how we are focusing in future exhibitions on returning the arts to that reality. A grand scheme, and a grand theme for this ten-minute talk. I think I’ll save it for another day. Except to say – ‘people like you’ are just people like us, those who supposedly know nothing about art. Give yourself the permission to view art as part of ‘anything else’ – and I’m thinking now of a line from a much-maligned Woody Allen film – itself called Anything Else – delivered by a taxi driver to the lead character as he ponders ‘how strange life is, how full of inexplicable mystery’. ‘Well,’ the taxi-driver says, ‘you know, it’s like anything else’.

You see – I meant to do one thing and did something else entirely. Just like history.

I left straight after my talk, partly because I was embarrassed and partly because I was running late for dinner with my friends Amy and Kate. As I was leaving, I passed David and Kirsha on the way to their apartment, possibly carrying some weeds or bunny rabbits for Invasive Species Stew (Kirsha’s theme for this year’s market is eating non-native species). David asked how my speech went.

‘Not that great.’

‘I think it’s because you don’t have your tits out.’ (I was wearing a somewhat conservative dress, in comparison, I suppose, to the bustier number I had been wearing at the dork dinner the night before). Kirsha nodded sympathetically.

The cluster fuck

These are the things that we discussed at dinner:

Do women have a duty to other women? Is there such a thing as ‘speaking for’ women, or a need to somehow set a good example?

Arguably, not minding comments about your breasts (ignoring, laughing, or seeking revenge by telling everyone the commenter doesn’t wear underwear) sends a bad message to men: it’s ok to make comments about women’s breasts. And that’s shirking your womanly responsibility.

The truth is, in this case, it actually was ok to make comments about my breasts. I don’t really have an elaborate explanation for that, it’s just that I don’t mind that much. I feel secure in being loved for the range of my other qualities (but that doesn’t mean that women it does bother don’t feel secure in this way). Indeed, I imagine that many (most?) women would be bothered by a breast-related comment made out of breast-related context; as I said, it is arguable that I should pretend it bothers me on their behalf.

That worries me. Firstly because I’m not a good actor and I don’t think I could pull it off (you should have seen me as ‘Prospera’ in my school production of The Tempest: shocking. The audience was shocked). Secondly because it is dead against my principles to fall into ‘cluster fuck’ thinking: that’s when you group together sets of opinions that fit nicely, like being pro-choice/anti-death penalty, without thinking things through independently. Cluster fucking is the death of thought. Cf. A lecture in my third year of journalism at Utas which consisted, in its entirety, of a slide-show of glossy pictures of mossy trees, set to some kind of emotive sound track (Rod Stewart’s ‘We are sailing’ comes to mind but surely that wasn’t it), followed by the moist-eyed lecturer’s request for a ‘show of hands’ for who supported the end of old-growth logging in Tasmania. A big, weepy cluster-fuck. (This is a one-off by the way, on the whole I heart Utas).

Feminism has become a cluster fuck. Or, in the case of a recent, bizarro claim by the UK writer Caitlin Moran in her book How to be a woman, a cluster-fondle:

Here is the quick way of working out if you’re a feminist. Put your hand in your pants. Do you have a vagina? Do you want to be in charge of it? If you said ‘yes’ to both, then congratulations! You’re a feminist.

Attendant to the talk of ‘misogyny’ lately (in place of good-old ‘sexism’) is that of ‘apathy’: young women are just not worried enough about gender politics. This seems to me like a good thing; it shows we’ve made some progress, and it opens up space to be worried about any number of other problems confronting the human race. It doesn’t mean that other ‘worried’ women (and I realise there are many) are not entitled to feel strongly about misogyny; but please listen to me if I say I feel differently. I will (and do) listen to the worried ones, too. Why the arrogant assumption that if a woman says she’s happy with the gender factor, or that (gasp) she’s not a feminist, she must be misinformed, selfish or naïve? In the Age recently: a ghastly poll about ‘what women want’. It opened with a preamble about the importance of letting women speak for themselves, followed by reams of stats about lifestyle, sex, work, and so forth. I won’t quibble with the stats, because my quarrel is not with the numbers but what was said about them (and also, stats are really boring, and if I spent five minutes on Google I’d find some others that refute them). Basically, for a significant majority, ‘being female hasn’t held their career back at all’. Awkward. Wheel in the ‘social commentators’ to ‘warn’ us these women are delusional: if you’re happy with your progress at work, it’s because you ‘tell yourself you don’t want’ to do better. Thank God I’ve got the ‘social commentators’ to tell me I’m unhappy, otherwise I would never have known. Further: those that do feel their sex has held them back ‘blamed the work-family juggle or working in a male-dominated industry’. Now, a male-dominated industry could surely be blamed for thwarted progress for a woman, yes. But ‘the work-family juggle’ is not an inevitable consequence of ‘being female’. It’s an inevitable consequence of having a family, which many women choose to do. There are consequences for that choice i.e. you will have to juggle, sometimes with great difficultly, your roles as worker and parent. We (society) should make this as easy as possible – things like 18 weeks paid maternity leave spring to mind. But being a working mother, in this country at least, is a choice, not a state of victimhood.

It’s not that women don’t face entrenched and overt discrimination in many areas of life – they do. But it’s possible to take a more flexible, less fearful attitude to human frailties and social failures, and to see that they affect us all (a classic feminist conversation-stopper: say something sympathetic about men, and all of a sudden you’re denying female pain. No need to panic, there’s plenty of pain for everyone). I used to think I must be extraordinarily lucky to have avoided all this misogyny. Maybe I just happened to know really nice boys and, you know, I did go to good schools and so forth, and my only two places of employment have been a university and an art gallery, not your usual hunting-ground for putrid male posturing perhaps. Um… Hang on. One of the men I work closely with, one whose name translates from the French into ‘Oliver’, has perpetrated the following behaviours: suggested I lose weight; thrown my shoes away because he didn’t like them; asked me, in the middle of a meeting, how many times a week I have sex; and tried to put his fingers up my nostrils while drunk. Technically this is rampant sexism, but mostly I find it annoying (the first two behaviours) and comically absurd (the second two); I don’t find it hurtful and I certainly don’t think it affects how I live my life or do my job. And look, although it was infuriating to fish my Birkenstocks out of the bin, really he was right: I had no business wearing them. It was not a camping trip.

So does that make me a feminist? I went out to dinner recently with a younger female friend. She’s studying law at uni. She told me, her eyes flickering nervously, that she didn’t feel that sexism was a problem in her life, ‘but it’s not that I don’t think men and women should be, like, equal’ she repeatedly insisted. ‘Of course I’m a feminist’. We both, it seems, feel torn loyalty to the term feminism: not simply because we have inherited its positive outcomes, but because it feels like disloyalty, or failure as a woman, to shirk it, or say we’ve outgrown it. Despite my emotional investment in the word, I don’t know if I’m a feminist. I think our words should do service to our thoughts, not the other way around – and that word is well and truly overworked.  What I do know is that I don’t need an ideological construct to help me decide that I’m ‘in charge of [my] vagina’. I already know that. I take it for granted, just like my young friend takes it for granted that men and women are, like, equal. Most of the men I know (all of them actually, unless they are much better at acting than me) take it for granted, too.

We are lucky in that sense to have been born at the turn of this century as opposed to the turn of the last. I am thinking now of one of my favourite books EVAH – Betty Friedan’s The Feminine Mystique. One of the reasons I love it so much is because she barely discusses ‘men’ (that faceless monolith) at all, let alone indulge vague, lazy thinking about ‘patriarchy’ (whenever I hear that word, I think of the Hobart suburb of Dynnyrne: people talk about it, but no-one’s actually been there). Rather, she elegantly dissects the habits of mind that produce pressure on women to behave in certain ways. The chapter on Freud almost made we weep (I was getting my highlights done at the time, I held back). She starts by nervously acknowledging his ‘genius’1 then proceeds to pinpoint the way pop-Freudianism has helped create the impulse for women to explain away their desires: if you’re unhappy, get therapy, don’t change your life. Ultimately though, despite the truly difficult and disadvantaged position women found themselves in in relation to education, employment, and that more nebulous phenomenon, ‘culture’, Friedan rests responsibility for every woman with herself.

At the start of the book Friedan looks at women’s magazines and critiques the childish, frivolous image of woman she finds there; then works her way backwards – to the source of such images – through various cultural institutions and systems of social sanction, finally to the role of motherhood itself.2 There she finds a misdirected passion. She sees women substitute individual pursuit for the ‘religious cult’ of motherhood; sees them surrender – willingly – ‘the unique mark of the human being’: the capacity to live in the protracted light of the possible, to seek answers to questions of self and the world, and to partake in the ‘mysterious capacity to shape the future’. That’s for me, that capacity. But you can’t have it without a bit of pain. Suck it up. And don’t get cluster-fucked.

-Elizabeth Mead


1 We are a little more circumspect about Sigmund now in comparison to then i.e. we know now, or should know, to enjoy him for his literary as opposed to scientific merits.

2 Of course she isn’t suggesting that motherhood and fulfillment are mutually exclusive.

At the arsenale

This worm bears the face of its creator, Jan Fabre. What the worm says is: ‘I want to draw my head out of the hangman’s rope of history’. He says it in Flemish, because the artist is from, um, Belgium. He’s a bit of an artist rock star, making major works for biennales and staging sell-out shows at the Queen Elizabeth Hall in London, that sort of thing.

Zelfportret, als grootste worm van de wereld, 2008, ©Jan Fabre/Licensed by Viscopy Copyright, 2012

I saw a work of his at the Venice Biennale (I just want to say: that sounds really snazzy, and part of me rejoices that I’m so lucky to have been to Venice as part of my job, but another part remembers that I was intensely lonely at that particular time, and found traipsing around the obviously incredible, amazing etc. Venice on my own, in the shoulder season, abjectly depressing). Fabre’s work was out in the boat-building part of town, called the ‘arsenale’ (hot and dusty. I went back to Venice two years later with my boyfriend, and with David and Kirsha – a far pleasanter trip, although my boyfriend and I did have a massive argument, or rather, I sulked in a very energetic manner, because at dinner one night David had commented that he found Brazilian-waxed women ‘hot’ and my boyfriend agreed with him, and I was mortally offended because I find the whole thing a form of casual self-torture that everyone seems to be participating in except me [1]; but more than that, I took it as a form of personal rejection, basically his way of saying, ‘Haven’t you realised by now I find you repulsive’. It was early in our relationship and perhaps, in hindsight, I was being a little sensitive. Anyway, on this far-pleasanter trip to Venice my boyfriend took photos wildly of the arsenale, the big cranes and chains and docks and stuff like that. I guess he was imagining the hub of empire. I was thinking more about Shakespeare). So the Jan Fabre work that I saw (this is the lonely trip now, the first) was encased in a large closed-in space around which the visitor walks via a sort of elevated, wrap-around viewing platform. You look down into this pit-like mound of dirt or soil or something, where a silicone replica of the artist stands digging into an oversized – perhaps, Nissan Micra-sized – replica of his own head. So it’s a big Jan head, over which a normal-size Jan stands and digs with a shovel. Parts of his big brains are exposed.

From the feet to the brain, 2009, ©Jan Fabre

What I’m trying to say is that this artist is pretty interested in excavating his own mortality. It’s a back-handed form of massive-egoism: an artist like Jeff Gabel – whose work flanks the worm in our gallery – isn’t obsessed with his own insignificance because it comes as less of a shock. It’s less of an affront, or insult to his intelligence. I’m siding with Jan here. I get weak-kneed shock each time I think about the fact that I’m going to one day not exist, but I’ve banged on about that enough by now. Maybe one day, the thought will begin to bore me. As an aside: Vladimir Nabokov’s autobiography, which I read (some of) in preparation for writing some marketing material for our concert Synaesthesia (Nabokov was a synaesthete) begins like this:

The cradle rocks above an abyss, and common sense tells us that our existence is but a brief crack of light between two eternities of darkness.

See also: ‘They give birth astride of a grave, the light gleams an instant, then it’s night once more…’ – Becket, Godot. Nabokov continues:

Although the two are identical twins, man, as a rule, views the prenatal abyss with more calm than the one he is heading for (at some forty-five hundred heartbeats an hour). I know, however, of a young chronophobiac who experienced something like panic when looking for the first time at homemade movies that had been taken a few weeks before his birth. He saw a world that was practically unchanged – the same house, the same people – and then realized that he did not exist there at all and that nobody mourned his absence. He caught a glimpse of his mother waving from an upstairs window, and that unfamiliar gesture disturbed him, as if it were some mysterious farewell.

That ‘young chronophobiac’, surely dead by now, was probably fairly self-centred.

Anyhow, the additional factor, of course, is that this worm work is not just about mortality, but about art and its history. Jan knows he is but a worm before the greats of European culture, whose names are emblazed (via some sort of entomological code) on the tombstones over which the worm debases himself (ok, that was a little dramatic, but still). Like all great egoists, this artist knows his place and is horrified.

I have felt some sort of Shakespearean reference agitating at the edges of my memory in relation to that work; if that sounds a little pretentious, perhaps you’ll like me more if I tell you the reference finally emerged (as in, just then, as I wrote the last paragraph) via my memory of a scene in a cemetery from the Steve Martin film LA Story (it’s got Sarah Jessica Parker in it and it’s brilliant). In this scene, the guy from Honey I Shrunk the Kids is grave-digging, and the actor playing Steve Martin’s love interest starts quoting Hamlet:

A fellow of infinite jest…
He hath borne me on his back a thousand times.
Where be your gibes now?
Your flashes of merriment that were wont to set the table on a roar?

I think what I’m saying is that Jan Fabre, like Steve Martin and everyone else, knows everything is shit compared to Shakespeare. Except maybe Nabokov.

The other encounter I had with Jan Fabre (other than when I interviewed him and he told me he felt sorry for the people who had to listen to my interviews, no joke) was when Olivier, Mona curator, took me to one of his said shows at Queen Elizabeth Hall, called ‘Orgy of tolerance’. It was during my first term as a Mona employee, and Olivier hadn’t quite worked out whether I had been sent to London as ‘a spy’. He took me to the show and I didn’t like it at all, although everyone else sure did. There was an extended group masturbation scene that transposes polite conversation with flagrant flogging of logs and so forth, which everyone but me found uproariously funny. Anyway it turns out Olivier was angling to bring the show to Tasmania for Mona Foma, and my reply to an email question from David – ‘Did you like the Jan Fabre show?’ – that no, I didn’t, I thought it was tacky and unfunny, contributed somewhat to David’s decision to can it. Olivier didn’t speak to me for a week. But when he did, his rage scorched my eyelashes. As it turns out I think David would probably have loved the Fabre show: he loves Balletlab, which similarly, I can’t stand.

One of the things Fabre said to me in the I-feel-sorry-for-your-listeners interview was that he believed in the ‘sacred bond’ between artist and viewer. He ‘trusts the public’, he says, to interpret his message and appreciate his creation, which we should not ‘dirty too much’ with our comments and interpretation. Whoops.

-Elizabeth Mead


[1] ‘But absolutely everybody gets Brazilians’ – My beautician, the other day.